Is She The Reason...

In a perfect world we would be together, but I guess that’s why we are not together because I’m not perfect & neither is he. Imagine having the name of a lost love tattooed not only on your skin but in your heart….that’s permanent right?.. And having to watch him everyday with his new chick run around town like its okay, knowing every time you go home to bathe your skin, every time you lift up your pretty pink fluffy loafer, you’ll see his name smiling at you ever so painfully. Well today I’m saying it’s not okay, these eyes have seen enough. I messed up, I admit, but why do I feel as though I am being tortured everyday by someone who claims to still **** me, let alone care about me?
Ladies why are we so prone to falling for the wrong guys, or falling for the right guys and driving him away, I know I am guilty of it. I have met Mr Right, Mr Wrong, Mr Right Now & Mr Hell No… My situation sucks though man, His new misses really knows how to piss me off, intentionally doing things like a constant reminder singing like an evil temptress “I got your man”… I remember when I had the power man, I remember when I was in control, I am/was a fast paced girl & he chased me, I slowed down for him to catch up & to hear what he was saying, but by the time I understood what he was saying, felt what he was saying & loved what he was saying, its like we just missed each other... my fast living got the better of me & left my injured in worse places than my hamstrings, my heart & now my injury slowed me down & I feel as though am the one doing the chasing now. He’s not even my usual type… appearance wise he’s not a spring chicken, but sometimes materialistic things can cloud our judgement & not allow us to grasp the true essence of things when it’s available, we could talk about anything, spoke about out goals, our futures, past mistakes, our fears & inhibitions… the comfort of married life minus the weight of a ring can be so harmonious, until the bond is broken & you don’t have to try because we are not legally bound to one & another. Maybe I should of paid attention to mummy when she said “You don’t know a good think till its gone” because even she is fighting for a lifetime partner, know body ever really wants to be alone forever, I know that for sure. So If I did just gave up my one good shot at happiness because I didn’t understand all the good things I had, Should I just accept loneliness & defeat? I mean karma is a bitch right, we’ve all met her once in our lifetime & She’s Introduced herself, got real comfy & showed us what she’s made of & that bitch is bad to the bone, but despite all that I’d take her on again, I mean… it’s a selfish world right, majority of people are out for themselves, so why not try to get back my ex, new miss or not. I never let him go, I drove him away, now I am reversing & taking control of things that are important to me, this shit is basic to you right now, but I’ll fill in a lot of cracks right & give you the full complicated truth… I’m not the bitch I am appearing to be though, not making excuses for wrong doings that I am going to do, I am just tryna be a go getter, I mean it is 2009, what have I got to loose... ?